Thursday, April 8, 2010


We are nearing the end of the school year, and when summer comes my oldest will be back home with us.

I am glad. I miss him. I want our family to be back together.

I have thought so much about my decision to send him to live with his aunt and uncle a year ago. I don't regret it. He is in such a better place now than he was. They have been so great to have made the tremendous sacrifices they have to help us.

Making the decision for him to go, ranks up there as one of the greatest times of personal trial for me. It was those moments of wrestling with questions like, "if the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle... I must be a failure - because I am not able to handle him. To the point that I have to have him leave my home."

I would try to console myself with the reminder that I was acting under inspiration. But, I felt like a complete failure. I was not able to be the parent my child needed me to be. I felt guilt, so guilty for my short comings as a mother and for allowing his actions to hurt the other children.

If I was spiritually where I should be, shouldn't I be able to handle any trial that comes my way?

Part of the lesson we have to learn in life is that we are imperfect. We will not always be able to be everything we need to be.

Through this I know my Savior loves me. His love is perfect enough to accept someone like me... imperfect in so many ways.

It makes me wonder if I show that same love to others. I need it from my Savior, but do I in turn show it to others? Complete acceptance for who they are, despite what their short-comings may be.

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