Friday, March 5, 2010


I spent the first few weeks of my oldest being gone reminding myself that this was the best thing to do. Then, bit by bit, I started putting the house together, fixing things that had been broken in careless moments and so on. I cancelled my plans for spring break – because it just didn’t feel right to be going on vacation when we weren’t together as a family.

The other two children had mixed feelings; well mostly they were fine with the break from the chaos that had become the norm in our home. But, one night my youngest son was particularly sad over the most recent change and he commented, “We just keep losing members of our family. First Dad, now my brother. It doesn’t even feel like our family any more.”

It broke my heart.

There wasn’t a time frame to this plan, but my son seemed to do well in his new environment. His grades were much better, and there, of course, were not any problems with his after school activities.

I wanted him to come home for the summer – but he did have a class he still struggled in and had to attend summer school. He still didn’t pass the state testing after the first round of summer school so they had him go through another round. He finally got to come home the end of July for a month. He had changed so much…

In the meantime, I had decided that it was time for me to move closer to family (yes, another move), so things were up in the air at home. Certainly my oldest continuing on a solid path until I settled seemed to be the best option.

It has been one year since this change in our family dynamics. I crave the day that we can put our family back together – but I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my family that has reached out to help.


  1. Your little boys comment reminded me of a situation we had within our family recently. One of my little sisters was a major daddy's girl when she was little before my dad died. When she was 3-5 my dad was actually the one home with her and my mom worked full time. So, after my dad died, she was very angry and upset. She still is, to a certain degree. She blames God for taking her father away and blames my mom for so much more. She ran away from home so much in her last couple of years of high school, that finally she just moved out and moved in with a boyfriend and they have been living together since then. She and my mom just struggle to understand each other. And since she has decided not to live the gospel standards, it's even harder for the both of them to get along. My mom called me a couple of months ago and said that she hadn't been able to get ahold of her for a few weeks, that she wasn't returning her calls, and she was very worried about her. I told her I'd recently talked to her and that she was ok. Once they finally communicated about the situation, my little sister informed her that we were not a real family anyway, so it didn't matter if they talked or not. She said that we hadn't been a family since my dad died, 14 years ago. She said that there was only one member of our family that even cared enough about her to check on her regularly. It broke my moms heart and she was very sad. My sister feels like we are broken, and to a certain extent we are, I suppose. But for the majority of our family, living and believing the gospel and relying on each other is what gets us through. And it's sad that she can't see that. I think the best thing for our relationship is just to continue to show her that I love her and finding ways to bear my testimony through the way I live my life with my family.
    Anyway, this doesn't really solve either of our problems. But maybe it just shares that we aren't alone in dealing with the hard things that are left over after a death of a parent. It's hard, but for me, I am so grateful for the knowledge of eternal families and the joy that some day will come when we are reunited. So, remember that. And never stop loving your son!

  2. Thank you Jenn. I love your comments and your insight.