THE DIAGNOSIS

Six years ago today....

A rushed morning to be at the hospital early for a routine procedure. My husband was having the base of his esophagus stretched. I had rescheduled my appointments for the day. One appointment was not too far from the hospital and was with some construction workers who would actually be working at 7am when my husband's procedure was scheduled to begin. Once he was being put under and I was no longer allowed in the room, I ran down the road to meet my appointment. It was quick, I just needed to drop off a few things and fix a phone.

I was back to the hospital in less than twenty minutes.

As I walked down the hall I saw the doctor standing at the end, near the waiting area. I found that odd - certainly he was not done already. He caught my eye and waited for me to get closer, *** I don't know what he said. It is such a blur. Just that he stated that my husband had cancer***.

It doesn't work that way on TV. They tell you it's a possibility.... they need to run tests.... they don't tell you that you have it. Just like that without any tests being run. I questioned it. He retorted by telling me they were sending samples out to be tested, but if it came back negative - he would send them back until they got it right.

The next thing I remember is standing next to his bed. He was still groggy. The doctor came in and tried to explain to he and I what was going on. He showed us photos. I don't know what the photos are supposed to look like - but I guess the black mass was bad? They wanted to run all kinds of tests. I could tell I was going to be there a long time.

It's my oldest son's birthday. I had promised him Tim-Bits. I didn't want to let him down. I hadn't had time to run before we had come to the hospital. I called my mother-in-law to ask her to do it. My father-in-law (who had lost his first wife to cancer) answered the phone. I explained the situation. There was sorrow in his voice. Too much pity and sorrow. I broke down. I cried. Then I went to find my husband who was laying in his hospital bed in the hallway. I climbed up on the bed with him. I wanted to lay down and be close to him. But the hallway felt too strange for that. He was drinking barium... preparing for a scan.

My in-laws showed up. There we all stood in the hall. What is there to say? Chris had something to say, he looked at his mom with her eyes red from crying and told her, "Don't be sad Mom!". Our Branch President (the leader of our church) showed up just as he was heading in for his test. We asked if we could have just a minute in the room alone (the five of us). My father-in-law and our Branch President gave Chris a priesthood blessing. I felt such overwhelming peace.

The last detail I remember of that day was telling my friend Sue. She called when we were driving home. I told her the news. She cried.