Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Along this path my oldest child was choosing, some additional bad behaviors were magnifying. He became an expert at smooth talking, expanded his story telling techniques, and found a way to get some tangible things he wanted.

We continued visiting bi-weekly with the psychologist. I hoped we could break this cycle… but the weeks and the months passed and things were only on a slippery slope down hill. One day as I sat waiting outside the office of his psychologist for their appointment to be finished, I overheard my son sharing a story (some may just call it a lie) of what was happening at home. I couldn’t believe it… and it made me start to wonder if this expense of resources to drive an hour every other week and pay the fees was helping any more. Had my son healed to the point that he wasn’t ready to do any more and perhaps was content with where his life was? He saw no danger, no sadness as I did when I looked on him. I considered these thoughts for the next couple weeks, and then joined him during his next session. At that time I explained to the doctor and to my son that there sessions were done. My son needed to want to change, and until he did my resources were being wasted. I have two other children at home, which were somehow being ignored… and left with what was left of my energy when done focusing on their brother. Sadly, that was nothing. I felt like I was sacrificing two for the sake of one. How do you choose? What is the perfect balance?

I began to tell my son that we were done. There was no more of this behavior allowed in our home. You are to show respect by letting me know where you are at all times, and only leaving when it is permitted. It did not change his actions, but I kept saying it. Over and over. I started to look around my life… it felt like total disarray. How do we get off this slippery slope?

I reached out to a family member who tried to be sympathetic, but pointed out that it may not change until I find a male role model for him. I spent the next two weeks in prayer. Was there someone who could help me? Asking this of anyone would be a huge burden…. and I didn’t know who I could even ask. Reflecting back on offers from family, I felt it may be time for a ‘shake-up’. I didn’t feel that minor changes regarding who was involved in his day-to-day were the solution. We were sliding fast and only a complete change of course would offer the recovery we needed.

In faith I sent an e-mail to a few family members explaining the situation. I clearly outlined all of the bad habits he had become accustomed to. I informed them that I needed an intervention. But accepting the challenge of having him come to live with them would not be easy. He had a lot of learning and growing to do. The e-mail was received with open arms and it was decided he would finish the school year at his Uncle’s.

This was one of the hardest decisions I have made in my life. I was fearful if I sat on it too long, I may shrink. I bought the plane tickets the next day.

He had just finished a growth spurt so I scheduled a shopping trip – took him for all new clothes and then we went to dinner. He wanted steak. I acquiesced, and as we waited for our meals I told him what was happening. It was Saturday night. I explained Monday he would have the opportunity to say good bye to his friends and Tuesday he and I were flying to his Uncle’s home where he would finish the school year.

He curled up like a small child and cried. I cried too.

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