TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE

I have done my fair share of dating the last five years. I jumped in with two feet and have managed to have a few relationships. Each guy I dated was very different than the other - and I guess after a while of it, I decided I preferred to be curled up under a blanket watching a good movie than to be 'out'. So, I have now become quite the movie buff. Of course I am terrible with actor's names and I never remember the names of the movies... but nonetheless... I have seen a lot of movies in the last year.

I have been quite content in my world of not dating. It is comfortable here...

Not too long ago a friend from work determined that she needed to fix me up with someone. Actually, there were two friends working on this. I quickly tried to explain that I just don't date. I prefer movies to men. But, they convinced him that he should contact me and he did. Apologetically, I quickly informed him that perhaps my girlfriends did not understand... I don't date. He was very agreeable to that. No dating. But, that did not stop him from checking in via e-mail occasionally, through which we have developed a shallow friendship. I have come to appreciate his quick wit and quiet flirtations.

My girlfriends had tried to bait me with the concept that he is very handy and could help me out with a few things around the house. I was not too comfortable with this, despite my LONG list of things that need attention. However, as I walked out my front door one day to find the door was falling off the hinges... AGAIN, despite my numerous attempts to fix it and to have it fixed... I thought, why not, let's see if he can figure out why it keeps doing this.

He readily agreed to help me out and we set a day for him to come over and fix the door. He brought his son to help him and they easily took the door and were off with a promise to return shortly. I was not prepared for what happened next. When they returned with the door, I looked out the window to view him walking up my driveway. He quickly glanced around the house exterior as he was walking towards the front door. I knew that look. That is the look that with a brief glance makes a list of ten things that should be taken care of... but contrary to what that list would do to me... shows a look of ease. That is a look I have not seen in years. It made me smile.

He quickly hung the door and was off. And there I stood. Intrigued. By more than just the fact that the door continued to work... but by him. By his act of service that showed no need for attention or accolades. He was so simple with it - seeking nothing.

As the evening progressed I became haunted with the memory of the look and the manner with which he carried himself during this task. It became crystal clear to me that although I have dated in the past, I have never dated anyone that was like my husband. Yes, it has been five years... and being 'ready' to date has never been an issue... but being ready to date this is a whole other issue. That is something I don't know if I could date for it brings the memories back... memories of a good life and a husband who watched over everything for me... I don't know if I could date that.