I AM THE FATHER

Father's Day was this past Sunday. Thanks to my on-the-ball brother I got my Dad something. Although, I am really not sure what it was. I just have to send a check. Thanks to my on-the-ball father I even wished him a happy Father's Day. He called to see if I wanted to wish him one. I did.

Here... the mood was crabby. Not intentionally. When the kids got up Sunday morning I asked if they wanted to wish me a happy Father's Day. They replied with a "what for". I reminded them that theses days I play both mother and father... so they needed to remember me on Father's Day and Mother's Day. They rolled their eyes.

I decided to make the kids pancakes for breakfast. I got the batter mixed up and the pan heated up. I started cooking them only to realize we need to leave the house in five minutes or we would be late for church. Where did the time go? I tried to keep cooking the pancakes... but I was making a terrible mess and in reality no one would even have time to eat them. So, I took the pan off the burner and left the burned pancakes on the plate and went to throw on a dress.

There were a couple ladies at church who know that I expect my children to acknowledge me on Father's Day. They were gracious enough to wish me a happy day.

My daughter was in a terrible mood all day. And if for a moment she stopped, my youngest son started. I thought I would loose my mind with all the crabby behavior and bickering. After I sent them to bed, I told them I was going to run out to visit a friend who recently moved into a new home. I had not yet seen the house, despite multiple promises to stop. After I got there, it wasn't long and my son started calling me to tell me to come home. Then when I stopped answering my phone... I started receiving a text message every five seconds from him. There seemed to be no end to the ornery behavior.

Why? Maybe they just hadn't had enough sleep. We had a busy Saturday. But, I wonder on days like that if it is something more. I know over the past few years I have even noticed that in myself. It is subconscious. I don't intend to be crabby - but there is something in the air on certain days. Something that nags at your conscience telling you that things are just not right that day. I wonder if that was the children on Sunday. Just feeling a bit of that void in their lives.

This is something that for me has gotten easier. I am able to be more even-tempered despite the date on the calendar. I am less and less affected. But, sometimes I still sense it is there. Without even consciously thinking about it, it is there...

Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow
8. Cut yourself and your kids some slack... and be prepared. No matter how much you 'think' you will be fine. There are certain days on the calendar that you can't be fine no matter how hard you try.