Tuesday, February 9, 2010

MY HUSBAND... MY DECEASED HUSBAND... MY DEAD HUSBAND...

What am I supposed to call him? To me, he is my husband. But there have been times I have called him that... and it has only caused confusion.

One of these times was when I was out of state visiting the in-laws. I was dating someone and he had asked me to drop off a bag of things to his friend who lived in the neighboring town from where I was visiting. When I arrived, they invited me in and I had the chance to visit with his friends. They inquired as to what brought me to the area and I explained I was visiting my husband's family.

I didn't think one thing of what I said. After I left, they quickly called the man I was dating to inquire if he knew I had a husband.

I need a great way to put this. I don't like "my first husband" as there is not a second. I would say "my dead husband" but there are many that would not appreciate my irreverence. "My deceased husband"... well.. that just sounds weird. So, what am I supposed to call him?

12 comments:

  1. "Deceased Husband" is probably the most PC thing to say but I think the confusion you caused amongst your boyfriend's friends is way funny so don't change a thing!

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  2. I am in your mom and dad's ward in utah-love love your blog! It's been just what I needed to hear! You are a great writer and I look forward to more posts!:)

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  3. I say deceased husband. There are just not many options. Erin p.

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  4. Michelle - I am glad you would like to see me continue to cause people to 'wonder' what kind of woman I am!! he he he!! You can tell we are sisters!

    Crazymama - love your name & Thanks! Glad you like it. I don't guarantee you will every day - because sometimes you never know what I am going to say.

    Erin - my favorite new friend... I will take your vote into consideration. Thanks for the feedback. :)

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  5. hi. i came over from erin papa's blog. we knew each other in our YWs years back in texas.

    i vote "deceased".

    and i have a question. i have a friend whose husband passed away last year in a surfing accident (i live in hawaii... surfing accidents happend a lot, but they're not usually fatal). this week, in fact today, marks the one year anniversary. from you experience, what does she need? what should i do for her? what's the best way to help?

    it's amazing how resilient you are... quite an example to us all.

    stef j.

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  6. ps. my email is stefanifjorgensen@gmail.com

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  7. Stef J. - Every widow is differnt, although there is a lot that is all the same. I would say, she needs to be loved... be there... support her... let her be crazy... let her remember who she is. If she has children, take them. Better yet, if you have a huband, make him take them. :0) Then spend the day with her... allowing her to sulk or be silly or whatever she needs. Watch P.S. I Love You and let her cry. Clean her house. Bring her dinner. Don't be afraid to talk about it (unless she doesn't want to). Really anything you can do... is good. Because it lifts a little piece of the heavy load.

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  8. My girlfriend just called... she recommended Late Husband!! I think I like that

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  9. Although I like Late Husband... I'd have to go with Shel and say "Husband". It just fits and you will definitely know whether or not people are truly listening to you.

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  10. I was widowed at 45,,suddenly. I struggled with this question and I remember reading a book when someone referred to her deceased husband as her "late" husband. That day I finally had a label for the wonderful man that made my life full of happiness for 28 years. He will always be my husband though...

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  11. Heidi... you fit us sisters... good to make people wonder what we are up to!

    Brenda - Where do you think the term "late husband" came from? They aren't late... in fact they are a little 'early' in terms of leaving... I wonder if I can google that and get an answer. Thanks for joining in!

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  12. Kim, call him what he is in your heart. That is the important thing... how you still feel about him. It doesn't matter what others think you should call him, it matters what your heart think you should call him.

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