Wednesday, February 17, 2010


A week before my husband died, I sat by his bedside enjoying some conversation. He inquired as to what I would do after he died. I didn't know and I didn't care. I wanted him with me always. He suggested that maybe I should move out by my parents and family in Utah. I shrunk. No, this is my home. I love the east. He pointed out that the options for me to re-marry were much more slim here. I began to cry
and told him we were done with this conversation.

I did get into the 'dating world' after he passed. Or, maybe it found me. Either way I dated. I loved. But, I did not re-marry. yet.

My kids had to adjust to not only the death of their father, but they also entered a new world of babysitters and not having their mom or dad home at their disposal. Mom volunteering in the classroom or on field trips was no longer a given.

My daughter spoke out the most about this. She was very frustrated that I could not be at everything. One day we were driving in the car and she asked if I could fill out a paper regarding volunteering at the school. I explained that I would not be able to volunteer as I had to work. Very matter-of-factly she inquired "Why don't you just get married again so you don't have to work?". I looked at her sad little face and tried to assure her that I was I was trying. In a very serious voice, she retorted, "You're not trying hard enough".

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