Monday, February 1, 2010


Probably similar to most couples, my husband and I had "our" friends and we had a few "his" and "hers" friends. Mostly because he had friends from work and I had some friends from story-time at the library and things like that. But I knew his friends. I used to take my husband's lunch to work almost every day. It was a good perk to see him halfway through the day and if the kids were being bad - he could "encourage" them to be good. :) It was our routine. I would sometimes see some of his friends as I was dropping lunch off... or at the company picnic in the summer or at the holiday dinner. And sometimes they came to the house to help my husband with a project he was working on that he needed an extra pair of hands for. If they saw me in town they would always say hello. I knew them by name, and they knew me.

The day of Chris' funeral, they must have taken those couple of hours off work. They were there. To honor him. They were a good group of guys.

I remember the first time I saw one of them at the store after the funeral. I caught his eye, and smiled warmly. He continued on, no reaction. I saw another months later. I said hello. I don't know who he thought I was talking to. No reaction. I was very sad to find this was the norm now. It was like I didn't exist. If I am anything, I am stubborn. I have consistently attempted to get SOME sort of reaction EVERY time I have seen one of his firends. Just recently I was at the gym, one of them was there working out. I smile. Nothing. Well, it's the gym. We aren't passing on the street where he can ignore me once and be safe. I kept passing him. Every time I would look at him straight on and smile. nothing. Am I invisible?

I was out running an errand for work the other day and a man looked at me and said, "Hey, are you..." I looked at him, and recognized him as someone that worked with my husband. Not someone I knew - but he was familiar. I smiled. "Yes, I am surprised you recognized me." "You used to bring him lunch every day, we all would recognize you." We exchanged a few words and I continued on... just feeling glad that SOMEONE wasn't afraid to say hello. That someone remembered my husband with fondness, as I do.


  1. One word: Widowphobia. I'm sure these people don't mean to be hurtful but are themselves sufferes of widowphobia. I want their names and addresses so I can mail them all letters and tell them they can be cured if they read your blog.

  2. I just googled widowphobia- lots of sites if you're afraid of the black spider but none if you're afraid of you. This is part of the problem. The disease needs to be named if it is to be cured.

  3. lol! I love it... we will have to name it. Too bad widowphobia is already taken. I will have to give some thought to this.