Monday, February 8, 2010


I still lean on and rely on gaining strength from my husband. I still talk to him. I still expect him to help in any way that he can. Sometimes I ask for specific help. I still feel his presence. Sometimes he is there when I need him and sometimes he surprises me... maybe I just didn't know I needed him.

A couple years after he passed I was dating someone. I started to find my situation to be very confusing. I am sealed to my husband. I love him deeply and with all my heart. But, I know that for me to fall in love again and re-marry and have companionship is something I may want some day, and I know it was something my husband wanted for me. As I was dating I found that I was falling in love with this man. And I started to become very agitated over the situation.... I would call and talk to him when I was struggling with the kids or just having a crummy day and I would feel better when I got off the phone. But sometimes, I would just tell my husband about my bad day, and about the struggles with the kids.

As this continued, I became more concerned. How could I do this? I was loving two men - and I wondered if that was hurting the "mortal" man... This thought was heavy on my heart one day as I was driving around running some errands on my lunch break. I ended up on the road that passes in front of the cemetery where my husband is. As I drove by his stone (you can see it from the road), I spoke these words to him... "Chris, how can I continue to rely on you? Doesn't that somehow betray this other man?". As soon as I said this, my mind shifted to the tasks on my list and I went about my day. I had not waited for his response.

The following day I was home making dinner when my sister called. She said she called because she wanted to tell me about this dream she had the night before that was kinda weird. I froze. I don't know why, because for her to call and say those words was not strange... but I could hardly move and I was overcome with this strange emotion. I also felt like I should grab a pen and find something to write on... so I grabbed what was on the counter - a small white piece of paper and a blue marker. Then I listened.

She explained that in her dream we were all there (all of us sisters) as well as Chris' sisters. Everyone was sitting there talking (she also started to tell me about who had bad hair in the dream, etc.). She said that Chris was there with us - but no one saw him except her. He asked her if she would tell me something for him. She of course agreed and he told her to tell me that I can still lean on him. It doesn't betray anyone. As she spoke those words, I was frozen. I was overcome with emotion. This was a direct reply to the question I had offered him the day before. I could barely hear my sister and she rattled on about how bizarre she thought that was "I mean, really, why would it betray someone for you to rely on him... isn't that so weird?" I was frozen. No, it is not weird. I needed to know this... and I guess I was not listening.. So, thanks for being the one he could come to, so I could get this message.


  1. Was it our sister Chris who had the dream? I was the one with the bad hair huh? I vaugly remember you sharing this experience but I didn't appreciate the magnitude of what had happened until I read it. Thank-you for sharing this. It really did strengthen my testimony of the nature and blessing of being married and sealed for time and all eternity.

  2. Yes, Chris is the one that had the dream. I will not reveal publicly who had the bad hair - but it was not you! :)

  3. No. Not Debbie. Now... you all have to stop guessing or deduction will reveal who had the bad hair!

  4. Heidi! Why would I be the one with bad hair!??

  5. I knew it was Christine with the dream, maybe I heard this story before from her...