As is evident from yesterday’s post, I have several sisters. Quite a few years ago we decided to try to get together for a “Sister’s Reunion” as we are all spread out in different states. This had just started to become a tradition when my husband got sick. The year he was sick my sisters decided it was best that they spend their resources and each come visit to help at staggering times. The following year, the funeral brought us together.
It took a few years for us to decide to get back to our reunions. Last year was the first stab at resurrecting the tradition. I made the necessary arrangements so I could get away for a weekend and we met up in Lake Tahoe.
Our weekends are really just about playing cards, sitting in the hot tub, and of course a little shopping. As we were checking out some of the local shops in Tahoe, my sister came across a pair of sunglasses she fell in love with. They came with a hefty price tag. Certainly this was not a purchase she would easily be able to justify to her husband. We continued shopping and she gravitated back to the sunglasses. Thoughtfully, she turned to me and suggested, “If you bought a pair of sunglasses - you wouldn’t have to justify it to anyone. Then I could tell my husband that I HAD to buy them because it was a sisters’ thing.”
Yes, we were discovering a few of the perks to widowhood…:)
Showing posts with label sisters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sisters. Show all posts
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
MUST LOVE DOGS
Have you seen the movie Must Love Dogs? I vaguely remember seeing it... I don't remember many of the details of the movie, except I remember thinking "I am living this".
Within the first year of being widowed I was visiting my sisters and it was determined that they would enroll me in an online dating service. I believe the goal was to find a hunky man who just happened to live within a few short miles of my sisters. For, then I would certainly want to move to the west!
My oldest sister set up my profile. I don't remember all that it said, but I do remember it promising burned toast for laughs. At least she didn't try to over-sell me. She paid the $30.00 fee and my sisters found the chore of finding Mr. Right for me to be very enjoyable. My father thought it was the best $30.00 we ever spent in terms of the quantity of entertainment it was providing. I had planned on being in the west for two weeks. Within a few days of my arrival they had found a particular gentleman to stalk. Yes, stalk. We are a scary group. He looked cute enough to intrigue me...so I sent him some messages. Once we had his name - we went to google... trying to find out everything and anything there is to know. I have one sister who is particularly good at stalking men. I will have to share her talent in more depth at a later time. Once we had a general idea of who he was, and we had yet to find any newspaper articles indicting him for any crimes... he began getting messages from my sisters under my account. Don't worry - they identified themselves as being someone other than I when sending the messages. He partook of our game and played well except for the few occasions he found his own real life to be more important than prompt replies the the messages that were being sent.
Time was ticking. The days for me to be in the west were coming to an end and I had not even come close to falling for this guy. Of course, I had not even met this guy. It had been determined his living location was within the allowable distance from my sisters. A move had to be made. He was baited... we waited.... and all cheered when he took the bait and invited me to lunch.
We met at a lunch location of the Mexican variety. He was tall... dark haired... we were off to a pretty good start. As the conversation began I found him to have a terrific sense of humor. I made a few quiet jokes that he did not react to... I presumed he obviously had not heard me. After he held the talking floor for a time he commented "I sometimes get sick of dating, because I feel like it's all about me when I tell my life story". I replied "I can understand. If it would make you feel more comfortable, I am OK with this being all about ME". OK. I thought that was funny. He didn't react. He continued the conversation.
The conversation wasn't bad - but I quickly noticed that every time I made a joke, he did not react. That's it. You HAVE to find me a little bit funny it you want me to spend any time with you.
We made it to the parking lot a couple hours later. He reached in and received my cheek as a landing place for his proposed buss.
I returned home to the anxious crowd looking for details. My details were very direct. He didn't find me funny. It was suggested that perhaps I was not funny. But, I felt he could have at least been cordial enough to pretend I was funny!
They fed me lines like "He was too distracted by your beauty to notice your jokes". If only He's Just Not That Into You had already come out... then I could have been spared these lies.
I was somehow coerced into a second date. Breakfast at a pancake establishment shortly before leaving town. This interaction was shorter as he had to be to work by a set time. I was fine with that. Although, he did seem more relaxed, more interested, and laughed more.
I never did figure out which of my sisters warned him previous to this second encounter.
Alas, it was not meant to be. I flew home and returned to my normal life (which did not include the on-line dating scene). He continued on, and I was told he married not too long after. And in all the craziness of this world he ended up moving to the same town as my sister and was a teacher to one of her sons. The sad part? My nephew was keen enough on my love life to recognize the pieces of this puzzle and put it all together!
Within the first year of being widowed I was visiting my sisters and it was determined that they would enroll me in an online dating service. I believe the goal was to find a hunky man who just happened to live within a few short miles of my sisters. For, then I would certainly want to move to the west!
My oldest sister set up my profile. I don't remember all that it said, but I do remember it promising burned toast for laughs. At least she didn't try to over-sell me. She paid the $30.00 fee and my sisters found the chore of finding Mr. Right for me to be very enjoyable. My father thought it was the best $30.00 we ever spent in terms of the quantity of entertainment it was providing. I had planned on being in the west for two weeks. Within a few days of my arrival they had found a particular gentleman to stalk. Yes, stalk. We are a scary group. He looked cute enough to intrigue me...so I sent him some messages. Once we had his name - we went to google... trying to find out everything and anything there is to know. I have one sister who is particularly good at stalking men. I will have to share her talent in more depth at a later time. Once we had a general idea of who he was, and we had yet to find any newspaper articles indicting him for any crimes... he began getting messages from my sisters under my account. Don't worry - they identified themselves as being someone other than I when sending the messages. He partook of our game and played well except for the few occasions he found his own real life to be more important than prompt replies the the messages that were being sent.
Time was ticking. The days for me to be in the west were coming to an end and I had not even come close to falling for this guy. Of course, I had not even met this guy. It had been determined his living location was within the allowable distance from my sisters. A move had to be made. He was baited... we waited.... and all cheered when he took the bait and invited me to lunch.
We met at a lunch location of the Mexican variety. He was tall... dark haired... we were off to a pretty good start. As the conversation began I found him to have a terrific sense of humor. I made a few quiet jokes that he did not react to... I presumed he obviously had not heard me. After he held the talking floor for a time he commented "I sometimes get sick of dating, because I feel like it's all about me when I tell my life story". I replied "I can understand. If it would make you feel more comfortable, I am OK with this being all about ME". OK. I thought that was funny. He didn't react. He continued the conversation.
The conversation wasn't bad - but I quickly noticed that every time I made a joke, he did not react. That's it. You HAVE to find me a little bit funny it you want me to spend any time with you.
We made it to the parking lot a couple hours later. He reached in and received my cheek as a landing place for his proposed buss.
I returned home to the anxious crowd looking for details. My details were very direct. He didn't find me funny. It was suggested that perhaps I was not funny. But, I felt he could have at least been cordial enough to pretend I was funny!
They fed me lines like "He was too distracted by your beauty to notice your jokes". If only He's Just Not That Into You had already come out... then I could have been spared these lies.
I was somehow coerced into a second date. Breakfast at a pancake establishment shortly before leaving town. This interaction was shorter as he had to be to work by a set time. I was fine with that. Although, he did seem more relaxed, more interested, and laughed more.
I never did figure out which of my sisters warned him previous to this second encounter.
Alas, it was not meant to be. I flew home and returned to my normal life (which did not include the on-line dating scene). He continued on, and I was told he married not too long after. And in all the craziness of this world he ended up moving to the same town as my sister and was a teacher to one of her sons. The sad part? My nephew was keen enough on my love life to recognize the pieces of this puzzle and put it all together!
Monday, February 8, 2010
I CAN STILL LEAN ON HIM
I still lean on and rely on gaining strength from my husband. I still talk to him. I still expect him to help in any way that he can. Sometimes I ask for specific help. I still feel his presence. Sometimes he is there when I need him and sometimes he surprises me... maybe I just didn't know I needed him.
A couple years after he passed I was dating someone. I started to find my situation to be very confusing. I am sealed to my husband. I love him deeply and with all my heart. But, I know that for me to fall in love again and re-marry and have companionship is something I may want some day, and I know it was something my husband wanted for me. As I was dating I found that I was falling in love with this man. And I started to become very agitated over the situation.... I would call and talk to him when I was struggling with the kids or just having a crummy day and I would feel better when I got off the phone. But sometimes, I would just tell my husband about my bad day, and about the struggles with the kids.
As this continued, I became more concerned. How could I do this? I was loving two men - and I wondered if that was hurting the "mortal" man... This thought was heavy on my heart one day as I was driving around running some errands on my lunch break. I ended up on the road that passes in front of the cemetery where my husband is. As I drove by his stone (you can see it from the road), I spoke these words to him... "Chris, how can I continue to rely on you? Doesn't that somehow betray this other man?". As soon as I said this, my mind shifted to the tasks on my list and I went about my day. I had not waited for his response.
The following day I was home making dinner when my sister called. She said she called because she wanted to tell me about this dream she had the night before that was kinda weird. I froze. I don't know why, because for her to call and say those words was not strange... but I could hardly move and I was overcome with this strange emotion. I also felt like I should grab a pen and find something to write on... so I grabbed what was on the counter - a small white piece of paper and a blue marker. Then I listened.
She explained that in her dream we were all there (all of us sisters) as well as Chris' sisters. Everyone was sitting there talking (she also started to tell me about who had bad hair in the dream, etc.). She said that Chris was there with us - but no one saw him except her. He asked her if she would tell me something for him. She of course agreed and he told her to tell me that I can still lean on him. It doesn't betray anyone. As she spoke those words, I was frozen. I was overcome with emotion. This was a direct reply to the question I had offered him the day before. I could barely hear my sister and she rattled on about how bizarre she thought that was "I mean, really, why would it betray someone for you to rely on him... isn't that so weird?" I was frozen. No, it is not weird. I needed to know this... and I guess I was not listening.. So, thanks for being the one he could come to, so I could get this message.
A couple years after he passed I was dating someone. I started to find my situation to be very confusing. I am sealed to my husband. I love him deeply and with all my heart. But, I know that for me to fall in love again and re-marry and have companionship is something I may want some day, and I know it was something my husband wanted for me. As I was dating I found that I was falling in love with this man. And I started to become very agitated over the situation.... I would call and talk to him when I was struggling with the kids or just having a crummy day and I would feel better when I got off the phone. But sometimes, I would just tell my husband about my bad day, and about the struggles with the kids.
As this continued, I became more concerned. How could I do this? I was loving two men - and I wondered if that was hurting the "mortal" man... This thought was heavy on my heart one day as I was driving around running some errands on my lunch break. I ended up on the road that passes in front of the cemetery where my husband is. As I drove by his stone (you can see it from the road), I spoke these words to him... "Chris, how can I continue to rely on you? Doesn't that somehow betray this other man?". As soon as I said this, my mind shifted to the tasks on my list and I went about my day. I had not waited for his response.
The following day I was home making dinner when my sister called. She said she called because she wanted to tell me about this dream she had the night before that was kinda weird. I froze. I don't know why, because for her to call and say those words was not strange... but I could hardly move and I was overcome with this strange emotion. I also felt like I should grab a pen and find something to write on... so I grabbed what was on the counter - a small white piece of paper and a blue marker. Then I listened.
She explained that in her dream we were all there (all of us sisters) as well as Chris' sisters. Everyone was sitting there talking (she also started to tell me about who had bad hair in the dream, etc.). She said that Chris was there with us - but no one saw him except her. He asked her if she would tell me something for him. She of course agreed and he told her to tell me that I can still lean on him. It doesn't betray anyone. As she spoke those words, I was frozen. I was overcome with emotion. This was a direct reply to the question I had offered him the day before. I could barely hear my sister and she rattled on about how bizarre she thought that was "I mean, really, why would it betray someone for you to rely on him... isn't that so weird?" I was frozen. No, it is not weird. I needed to know this... and I guess I was not listening.. So, thanks for being the one he could come to, so I could get this message.
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