Friday, January 22, 2010


Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class.

My husband was always a dare devil. He found joy in high-risk type activities and "boy toys". I had lots of accidental life insurance on him. I don't know if it was my own insecurity or if my Heavenly Father was preparing me... but I always thought he would die early.

I would have been set for life, if he only died while out riding a four-wheeler or driving too fast down the road. One thing I never considered was that he would die from health issues. He was extraordinarily strong and very healthy. In fact when he first went to the doctor when he was having issues, his doctor told him not to worry about it - he was young and healthy "it's not like it's cancer." Or... it is!

When my husband passed... my life insurance policy was sufficient to pay off a couple bills, pay for the funeral and hospital bills. Then, I was on my own. A single mom with three kids to support and raise. I only took a week off of work. Then, we started to get on a schedule. I would get the kids off to school then get myself dressed up and head for work. I would cry the entire way there. When I would pull in the parking lot I would wipe the tears from my eyes, take a deep breath - and be glad my office was just off the back door.

I had a family to support. There was no time to let myself go completely off the deep end. I had to stand on the edge... half functioning... half crashing. I think I would have gone insane, completely insane, if I didn't have to remain in working order. Yes, you have to be rich to be insane... losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle-class.


  1. So, how did you manage? I am still right there, crying my self to sleep every day, and then 10 more times during the morning, 20 more in the afternoon, and in a week I need to go to work, underpaid but with no alternatives at the moment. My husband supported our family...

  2. I don't know that my way was the right way. But it was all I could do. I gave myself 10 minutes to cry (than took 20). Then I HAD to get up and go and do and be something. My husband had supported us... turn to God. Have faith in the direction he points you. He will help you provide for your family. He will give you what you need. Your marriage was a covenant between you, your husband and God. Your husband is not there... God will step in and comfort and bless you. Ask... you will receive.