Tuesday, January 19, 2010


People ask me sometimes if I am ever mad at my husband for dying.

I sometimes feel like he got out easy. I am left to raise three kids and support them emotionally and financially while raising them to be strong contributing members of society. That is not an easy task. My oldest has had a hard time accepting and adjusting to his dad's death. He has had a lot of anger, and I am sure out of 'safety' takes it all out on me. We have struggled through so many struggles and in my moments of despair, when I don't think I have the strength or the energy to keep up the fight... in those moments I miss him. I need him. I yearn for him. I am not angry with him, because if I sit still and let my heart be still, I can feel him. I can feel his pain as he watches my trials with no way of physically helping me. I do not doubt he has shed tears as he has witnessed mine.

With the same thought I am not angry at God. He is all I have some days. No matter what - He has not left me. When I married my husband - we made a promise to God. With that promise our marriage became a three-way bond. Me, my husband and God. My husband may not be able to be here like he was - but God is here even more. When I turn to Him for help, if I am but patient, the help always comes.


  1. My name is Jennifer I am a friend and neighbor of Christine's...well I used to be, I've since married and moved to Utah, however, I just stumbled on your blog and I just want to tell you how moving it is. I am a 24 year old newley wed and I can't imagine what you've gone through, but the things you have to say are inspiring to me and can touch anyone.

  2. Jennifer - I am glad you stopped by. Cherish your husband every day. Be grateful for him, believe in him and in your marriage, never talk badly about him, and kiss him good and long everday when he comes home. Thanks for your kind words and feel free to stop in and check out the insanity any day!

  3. I found your blog today and this entry spoke to my heart directly! This is exactly how I feel and it has only been 9 months since my husband died. Thank you for putting it into words for me!