Monday, January 18, 2010


According to Merriam Webster... a widow is "a woman who has lost her husband by death and usually has not remarried".

I think it is more... I have a girlfriend who is single. She was the sole caregiver for her parents as they became ill and both died within a year of each other. She had a very close relationship with them and they loved and supported (emotionally) her everyday. I have another close friend who woke up one day to find out that for some reason... her husband didn't love her anymore and he wanted to end their marriage. I think these friends of mine are widows. The person they were emotionally dependant on is gone - and now they have to go through the process of finding new ways to cope and rely on only themselves for the love and emotional support that used to be there for them everyday.

I think that is what has made widowhood such a challenge. If I am tired... it is still all mine to do. There is no one I can turn to and say "can you handle this? I don't have the patience today". Everyday is my day. If I 'take a day off' from picking up the house or doing laundry - I have to work twice as hard the next day.

Today, I just want to say... if you know a widow... know that they need to be loved. Don't judge them for how they do or don't mourn. Don't judge what they do or don't do. Just love them. That is what we need. As we each look for the sunshine that is covered with clouds - we need to feel that it is there even when we can't see it. Most of the time that comes from a friend who just calls to say "I love you" and offers some emotional support. These are the friends that help bridge the gap from where we are to where we are going. These are the friends that feel like angels from heaven, sent to help us find the way.


  1. Kim,
    Thank you for that post and for this blog....because losing a spouse is a grieving process, whether it is through death of the spouse or death of the marriage. In so many ways I can understand exactly what you are saying and although we are at different points in our lives, in many ways we are also the same.
    You are an amazing woman and I am inspired by your strength, your honesty and your faith.
    Patty Whaley

  2. Patty,

    As I have watched other grieve in their lives, sometimes from a marriage that has died and other times from a close family member, and of course my fellow widows - I have come to see that in many ways we are all in the same boat. And some days the only thing that keeps the boat from sinking is the love of a friend... who isn't there to judge... just to love. I hope you have had some of those angels along the way!