Thursday, July 15, 2010


I came home from vacation... it had been too long since I had seen Chris, which put me on edge. Emotionally really needing a lot of love and attention - but the reality of life also facing me. Work, etc.

I saw him the night I got home - but our families were together and so one-on-one attention was not there. I had been sick, and that on top of feeling a little emotionally drained put me in a quiet mood. I didn't talk to him too much that evening. Just watched the evening unfold. Enjoyed his presence, but needed more.

A couple days passed... he didn't call. Why? (Thinking back, I wish he was available to ask that question to). I finally called him. He was not in a good mood when I called. He was frustrated with some of the happenings from our last encounter. Little things that seemed meaningless to me, but were serious to him. I didn't want this type of phone call. I needed to feel better about us, not worse. I got off the phone feeling depressed and upset. I just needed to be able to sit and talk to him. We had been talking just on the phone for too long. I was frustrated. I cried. He was upsetting me. I was upsetting him. He was confusing me. I was confusing him.

And in that moment, I just craved to know how he felt about me.

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