Thursday, May 6, 2010


You aren’t meant to do these things by yourself. He has no one to go to and tell them how mean you are being… When did I become mean? I don’t remember being mean before. But I am now.

Somehow it has gotten so bad your kids don’t even want to live with you anymore. How did it get to the point that the natural instinct to want to be with your mother is not even apparent in your children. You promise yourself it will get better – that you will make sure it does… but for too long there are only peaks of sunshine, not sunny days.

Some things just aren’t worth fighting over… like the clothes they wear or don’t wear… and chores.

Reducing the house rules to the things that are absolutely necessary. There is only one rule. You have to do what I tell you. Only I am not going to tell you very much.

Constant warnings are maddening…. It is true. So just let them find out the hard way… I haven’t got the energy anymore.

1 comment:

  1. The thing with widow and widowerhood while raising kids is that it adds an entire new dimension to what is already going on. Those looking in from the outside can not comprehend the magnitude of loss. Not only have you loss your spouse, but all that they did in your life. It is like losing an appendage, but a new one grows that is foreign to your body. Everything is foreign, everything new and everything is completely out of control for your role as a parent has changed. You can no longer be your roll but you have to be two peoples roll physically, emotionally and spiritually which is completely draining.

    It isn't so much what we change or the rules that we lack or that our children may resent us or love the lack or rules. It is that everything in our universe in a split second had become different and we are standing in the middle of this huge void of life, parenting and love yelling NOW WHAT!

    The good news is the sun does rise each morning.