Saturday, May 15, 2010


As the final in my dating lessons learned... Guy #1. I had the longest running relationship with him by far. Probably because we became such good friends that even if we were not "in a relationship" we were around each other enjoying the friendship. The take-away with him is very clear to me. There is power in just being yourself.

In life we change and grow. To say "your not the man I married" is a "DUH" moment to me... because hopefully none of us are the same person we were a year or two or ten back. The core is the same but we can and should change. It is part of life. Part of growing. Part of our purpose. But, in a relationship I am adamantly opposed to changing "for" the other person. Don't get me wrong, in a marriage there is some give and take which may lead to you changing the way you put the toilet paper on the dispenser.. so it comes from the top, not the bottom. And you change that behavior to appease your spouse. That is a non-issue to me. That is just mature behavior that shows you care more about the other person than you do yourself.

What I am opposed to is changing who you are - your values - standards - in an attempt to please the other person. I took a Psychology class online a couple years ago and I was shocked by the college-age crowds view on dating. For them that is what you do. You change your values and standards to accommodate the person you are dating to become a better match. I was vocal (of course it was online so no one saw me rant... just saw the words of the rant) about how wrong that is.

Each of us needs to define who we are. It is a process that in your teenage years you have hopefully captured. Some are late bloomers and it is later - but it is a process that is between you and the Lord (and in your teenage years perhaps guided by your parents). It is the answer to the question of who am I? And what does God want me to do in this life? Once you have those answers... it puts you on a path. And once you are on that path... no relationship should detour you off of it. If a relationship is meant to work - the power will come in being yourself.


  1. I wish you would just use names unstead of "guy 1" "guy 2"- It would be much easier for me.

  2. Christine - feel free to give me a call... I'd be happy to straighten this whole thing out. I am just trying to avoid ticking anyone off. For a reader who doesn't know the history, they would be unsure how I learned each 'lesson'. For those who have had the priviledge to meet a couple of these beaus... you could probably figure out fast why that was my takeaway.