Tuesday, May 24, 2011


R left for Chicago the next morning and I tried to clear my head with no luck.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I had no idea why.... it was the craziest thing.  

Sitting at work 'the day after', I was paged by the receptionist.  That could only mean one thing.  She always called your office line if she needed you.  Only upon hearing 'Kim, please come to lobby" is it known to all who work there what is up.  I had flowers.  I worked for a company that manufactured juice.  The card read.... Have a fructuous day !

I am not one to typically care for flowers.  They are pretty... but have always struck me as a waste of money... But this day, I was very good with the choice to have flowers sent.  I texted him a thank you and for the next couple days we exchanged some text messages.  Thursday evening he was stuck in Chicago... delayed flight.  The confines of the airport with hours to kill created the perfect setting for him to pay me a lot of attention.  We conversed via text and he confessed his disturbed sleep since our encounter.  I revealed I was having the same issue.  We went back and forth for a couple hours, and arranged that depending on what time his flight arrived.... he would stop over and see me if I was indeed unable to sleep again that evening.  I showered and headed to bed.  But, for hours there I laid.  He texted me a little after one in the morning to see if I was sleeping.  I wasn't.  There was no great purpose for his stop over - nor did he stay long.  I think I was hoping that if I saw him again it would clear my mind. Nope... only made matters worse.  I thought perhaps I would scare him off as I answered the door in my pajamas and some major wild fresh from the shower then bed head hair.

That was the beginning.  I was way up in the clouds somewhere and did not see myself coming down.  It was time I called for back-up.  I called the sister who is not only a realist - but has the ability to play 'devil's advocate' very well.  She was no help.  Everyone I talked to (including her) commented on the energy in my voice... blah, blah, blah.  I needed help.  I needed someone to make this go away.  I was falling and was falling fast for this guy.

Following one of our dates we were back at his house.  I was laying on the couch and he was sitting on the floor leaned up against the couch.  He was drifting off to sleep (which single working parents do often) and I was looking at his face.  In that moment I said a prayer.  I know I said I wanted to be single... but I didn't imagine I would find someone like him.  He was exactly what I wanted.  It was possible that the Lord was only using me as an instrument for some other end that did not have to do with he and I - perhaps I would simply help him bridge the gap to a different course in life.  But, I wanted him.  I loved him.  I didn't know him completely - but knew I loved him.  With faith in a loving Heavenly Father I turned it over to Him.

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