Friday, January 7, 2011


My deceased husband’s cousin was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She is single and found herself at the many doctor appointments and chemotherapy appointments that the diagnosis required. Shortly after the diagnosis, I was informed that my job was being eliminated at the company I was working for. I felt very sure that my Father in Heaven had prepared the way for my cousin to have a companion during this difficult time. My first day off from work (Monday) we went to chemo, my fifth (today) we went to a new doctor in hopes of a more clear understanding of her prognosis. I have sat in these same chairs before and heard very similar news. This was not new to me. But for her, facing her own mortality was difficult. I have not sat in those shoes and cannot completely comprehend what that feels like. When the doctor had left the room she looked at me and asked, "what do you think? Do you think I am going to beat this or do you think I am going to die". In that moment I didn’t really know how to respond. I know very well that cancer, especially in its advanced stages, may lead to death. But I also remember six year ago when my husband lay in a hospital bed with health that had seriously declined at a very steady and real pace, I remember the faith that I felt. I knew very clearly that Chris’ life – the duration of it - was not attached to any prognosis that a doctor gave. God had complete control. I knew that he could wake up from the deep sleep the morphine caused and be whole. This was not a game of science. It was a game of faith. Faith to know that no matter the path that lay ahead – I was loved and cared for by my Father in Heaven. That He would care for me and my children and that the course would be according to His will. So, in that moment today… sitting in the doctor’s office when she asked what I thought… I told her exactly what I thought. “I think you are going to die. And I think I am going to die. I think we are all going to die. In fact, I may kill us both just driving home today. Life is not about dying, it is about living. Cancer can be a gift that reminds us how fragile life is. How we should not waste the time that is given to us. But cancer does not determine if you live or die. God determines if you live or die. Your part is to keep living, and do everything that you can to be healthy.”

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE THIS POST!!!! I think it's the best one of all! KEEP LIVING, my good sister!