On March 10, I posted with a reference to a book I was reading.
I was on my way to the doctor office last week with my son and I grabbed the book to bring with me, figuring there would be some spare time while I was waiting.
My son looked at my book and inquired why I was bringing it. I explained I was hoping to get a chance to read a little. With a very puzzled face, my eleven year old questioned the fact that I was STILL reading that book. I informed him, that yes, in fact I was still in the process of reading it - I don't get much time to read for enjoyment. He responded by grabbing the book, flipping to the last page, looking at me in complete disbelief and informed me it was only 133 pages. He could read that in an hour!
I grabbed the book back from him, and made no comment. Yes, it is pathetic... Six months later and I am not done with the book.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
DINNER ANYONE? TODAY? TOMORROW?
Sometimes it just hits me. I go and go and go and feel like I am a human energizer bunny sometimes. Well, I suppose I don't really feel that way - but I act that way. Usually because, what choice do I have? There is much to do! But after going and going and going... sometimes out of nowhere, my body betrays me... and will go no more.
That happened to me yesterday. I hate the betrayal. My body should know I would give it rest if I could! I was enveloped in exhaustion and it spilled over to this morning. I was up and getting ready for work this morning looking at the house that was a wreck. It made me feel more exhausted. I headed out for work, promising myself that I would take lunch at the house and clean today.
I got about a mile down the road, when my friend KR called. She was confirming she would be able to get in the house - she was on her way to clean it. She had also made me dinner and would be leaving that in the fridge.
I was overcome with emotion. My whole body felt exhausted. I started to cry. Tears of gratitude mixed with tears of frustration that I wasn't keeping up.
I came home from work to a clean house. I heated some dinner up for myself and the kids, then went about the chores and running of the evening.
Words can not express the gratitude I felt. The blessing it was to me today.
I was then surprised by another visitor later in the evening. A friend that lives an hour away was the least likely person I would expect to show up with dinner for tomorrow. SG is a kind and generous person - but doesn't exactly live in my neighborhood.
As I lay in bed this evening, reflecting on the day... I see the hand of God in my life today. I see the angels He sent on an errand for me. And I am amazed, again, at how He loves and cares for me.
Lesson Manual: How to be a Widow
10. Angels don't show up at your door step everyday. They don't always come and clean your house and make you dinner, but take the time to see they are there. Sometimes they are a phone call at just the right time, or a smile at the grocery store... and sometimes we need to remember that we too need to be angels to others - and that can be just the boost we need.
That happened to me yesterday. I hate the betrayal. My body should know I would give it rest if I could! I was enveloped in exhaustion and it spilled over to this morning. I was up and getting ready for work this morning looking at the house that was a wreck. It made me feel more exhausted. I headed out for work, promising myself that I would take lunch at the house and clean today.
I got about a mile down the road, when my friend KR called. She was confirming she would be able to get in the house - she was on her way to clean it. She had also made me dinner and would be leaving that in the fridge.
I was overcome with emotion. My whole body felt exhausted. I started to cry. Tears of gratitude mixed with tears of frustration that I wasn't keeping up.
I came home from work to a clean house. I heated some dinner up for myself and the kids, then went about the chores and running of the evening.
Words can not express the gratitude I felt. The blessing it was to me today.
I was then surprised by another visitor later in the evening. A friend that lives an hour away was the least likely person I would expect to show up with dinner for tomorrow. SG is a kind and generous person - but doesn't exactly live in my neighborhood.
As I lay in bed this evening, reflecting on the day... I see the hand of God in my life today. I see the angels He sent on an errand for me. And I am amazed, again, at how He loves and cares for me.
Lesson Manual: How to be a Widow
10. Angels don't show up at your door step everyday. They don't always come and clean your house and make you dinner, but take the time to see they are there. Sometimes they are a phone call at just the right time, or a smile at the grocery store... and sometimes we need to remember that we too need to be angels to others - and that can be just the boost we need.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
NEW KID ON THE BLOCK
I attended another football game this weekend for my youngest.
I have found it peculiar over the past five year how few sports my kids have participated in. Up to and including while Chris was sick, we had the kids playing little league and whatever other sports were available to their age group. I was athletic growing up, as was my husband... so to have the kids involved in sports seemed like the natural thing.
Once Chris passed, the kids had no more interest in playing little league. When their grades started basketball teams, they didn't want to play. I didn't push any of this too much, because the reality of it is, as a single working parent - the challenge of getting them everywhere they need to be is huge.
I discovered swimming a few years ago, and I did push for the kids to get involved. The team ran from September to March and was a great way to exercise all winter. PLUS, they practiced every night, but the practices were not mandatory. A perfect combination for someone like me! I could get them there on the nights that is was possible. But, that only last about a season and the kids had enough and didn't want to do it any longer.
I found it peculiar though that the kids consistently showed no desire to get involved with school sports. So, when my youngest told me this summer that he intended to play football in the fall, I was surprised, but happy.
He was the new kid on the block, with most the other kids at least in their second year of play - some in their fourth. Enter, my son. Not only has he never played before, his exposure to watching games has been very limited (let's face it - not my favorite way to spend a Saturday). I don't believe he even knew the position names or anything. He was green.
I was not surprised when their first game came and he was put in (almost as a courtesy) at the end of the game.
I was not surprised when he came home from practice this week and told me how he was running drills against the best kid on the team (I am sure they rotate who you go up against).
He is a humble little kid. Doesn't make a big deal out of anything he does.
Friday night, I arrive home from work and start to prep some dinner. He needed to be at the field by 6pm, which is the start of the "JV" game. With my limited time, I was (no surprise) running a little late. As I drove him to the game... he sighed in frustration, "why do we always have to be late... I am starting defense tonight, I need to be on time".
"You are starting tonight?"
"Yes"
He just said it so casually. I vowed to be on-time for his game.
I was... and he started on defense, just like he said. The game began with the kid, known as the best kid on the team, scoring a touchdown in the first play. The entire rest of the first quarter was spent with us on defense... and my baby playing. He continued to hit the field on defense the rest of the first half and into the second, except during substitutions to the line.
I was so happy for him. So happy to see his hard work paying off for him. So happy that he was self-driven to be involved and to work hard. He only complained about practice when he felt they didn't work hard enough. He endured the heat and the bruises with never a comment. As I stood on the sidelines contemplating the man this boy was beginning to grow up to be, I was proud of him. And I knew his dad was there that night standing by him when they went back to offense and he was back on the line. I could almost envision his father's hand on his shoulder, telling him he was proud of him.
I have found it peculiar over the past five year how few sports my kids have participated in. Up to and including while Chris was sick, we had the kids playing little league and whatever other sports were available to their age group. I was athletic growing up, as was my husband... so to have the kids involved in sports seemed like the natural thing.
Once Chris passed, the kids had no more interest in playing little league. When their grades started basketball teams, they didn't want to play. I didn't push any of this too much, because the reality of it is, as a single working parent - the challenge of getting them everywhere they need to be is huge.
I discovered swimming a few years ago, and I did push for the kids to get involved. The team ran from September to March and was a great way to exercise all winter. PLUS, they practiced every night, but the practices were not mandatory. A perfect combination for someone like me! I could get them there on the nights that is was possible. But, that only last about a season and the kids had enough and didn't want to do it any longer.
I found it peculiar though that the kids consistently showed no desire to get involved with school sports. So, when my youngest told me this summer that he intended to play football in the fall, I was surprised, but happy.
He was the new kid on the block, with most the other kids at least in their second year of play - some in their fourth. Enter, my son. Not only has he never played before, his exposure to watching games has been very limited (let's face it - not my favorite way to spend a Saturday). I don't believe he even knew the position names or anything. He was green.
I was not surprised when their first game came and he was put in (almost as a courtesy) at the end of the game.
I was not surprised when he came home from practice this week and told me how he was running drills against the best kid on the team (I am sure they rotate who you go up against).
He is a humble little kid. Doesn't make a big deal out of anything he does.
Friday night, I arrive home from work and start to prep some dinner. He needed to be at the field by 6pm, which is the start of the "JV" game. With my limited time, I was (no surprise) running a little late. As I drove him to the game... he sighed in frustration, "why do we always have to be late... I am starting defense tonight, I need to be on time".
"You are starting tonight?"
"Yes"
He just said it so casually. I vowed to be on-time for his game.
I was... and he started on defense, just like he said. The game began with the kid, known as the best kid on the team, scoring a touchdown in the first play. The entire rest of the first quarter was spent with us on defense... and my baby playing. He continued to hit the field on defense the rest of the first half and into the second, except during substitutions to the line.
I was so happy for him. So happy to see his hard work paying off for him. So happy that he was self-driven to be involved and to work hard. He only complained about practice when he felt they didn't work hard enough. He endured the heat and the bruises with never a comment. As I stood on the sidelines contemplating the man this boy was beginning to grow up to be, I was proud of him. And I knew his dad was there that night standing by him when they went back to offense and he was back on the line. I could almost envision his father's hand on his shoulder, telling him he was proud of him.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
BECAUSE SHE SAID SO...
Sometimes as a single mom... you just are busy. And tired. And things you may have thought to do under your 'old' circumstances (I can't say normal... cause life as is has become normal), no longer cross your mind.My sister advised me a year ago that I needed to get my 'dating body' back. I think that was her way of saying it was time to work on those extra pounds. I will. Someday.
I got my hair cut a couple days ago, because I try to do that at least once a year. My friend who was cutting my hair informed me that our mutual friend had instructed her to tell me to get my eyebrows done. I couldn't believe that. If my friend feels that way, why wouldn't she tell me to my face? Not tell someone to tell me.
I made an appointment to get my eyebrows done... the results of that appointment are above.
Then I called my friend and told her (on voicemail) I thought we were close enough friends that she would say that to my face.
She left me a voicemail in reply telling me she has no problem telling me to my face, but she forgets (that made me feel better - because if my eyebrows were REALLY bad, how could you forget?). Then she continued on in her message telling me I need some highlights, and not blonde ones.
I made that appointment today.
It is part of getting my life together. I need to balance everything... including beauty.
So... now I just need to calendar "Lose 10 pounds".
Friday, September 10, 2010
TENDER MERCIES
I have a friend whose young son is fighting cancer. That is a trial, I cannot imagine. She wrote these words the other day, that I felt I could relate to. They took me back to those days.
“I think about all the people going about their lives down on the street. Is it really possible that there are people doing normal things like going to soccer practice and homework, etc? Once in a while I have a brief fleeting moment of being envious of the normalcy of other's lives. Then I come back to my own reality and be thankful of my blessings: I get to spend quality time with my little man, there is always someone with a worse story than ours, I have a husband and partner to help me through this instead of having to make the decision of leaving my child here alone, we have this wonderful facility right in our backyard. Yes, this is bad. Yes, it will get worse. Yes, I am blessed anyway.”
It evoked memories of similar feelings. There is something very precious and sacred about the quality time and relationship that can be developed while 'locked' in a small room.
I have come out the other side and find myself feeling very normal some days... and on those days I remember fondly, the 'abnormal' life that brought a different kind of pace and focus. I am grateful for these tender mercies from God. When He reminds us to see the good.
“I think about all the people going about their lives down on the street. Is it really possible that there are people doing normal things like going to soccer practice and homework, etc? Once in a while I have a brief fleeting moment of being envious of the normalcy of other's lives. Then I come back to my own reality and be thankful of my blessings: I get to spend quality time with my little man, there is always someone with a worse story than ours, I have a husband and partner to help me through this instead of having to make the decision of leaving my child here alone, we have this wonderful facility right in our backyard. Yes, this is bad. Yes, it will get worse. Yes, I am blessed anyway.”
It evoked memories of similar feelings. There is something very precious and sacred about the quality time and relationship that can be developed while 'locked' in a small room.
I have come out the other side and find myself feeling very normal some days... and on those days I remember fondly, the 'abnormal' life that brought a different kind of pace and focus. I am grateful for these tender mercies from God. When He reminds us to see the good.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
LIFE
The flurry of life has sucked me in.
As much as I felt that I would make sure this blog was a priority for one year... alas I have dropped the ball. I suppose that is ok, as I had to drop one of my many balls I was juggling - and my children appreciate SOME attention... even when it is limited (for instance last night at 9:30 when I was putting my children to bed, it was revealed to me that I had fogotten to feed them dinner!)
The kids are back to school, they have some of the items on their long list of school supplies (the disadvantage of last minute shopping... things are sold out), my youngest is in full swing of football season, my oldest is anxiously engaged with MMA practice and working with the "little dragons" as a teacher's assistant, and my middle daughter is back in the swing of voice and piano lessons... while hoping I will add horseback riding lessons.
I have a new position at church that I am trying to get a handle on, while also finishing up projects from my last position. A very busy time of year for me there.
In the rest of life I am trying to catch up... and shall I say... just enjoying where life is these days. I am blessed. So blessed. I have had a wonderful summer and have often in these past few months had moments of feeling emotional when I look at how my Father in Heaven has blessed me. How He has heard my internal desires and blessed me.
This will be my focus, or so that is my hope, for the next little while as I 'blog'. The hand of God in my life these days. As He is there every day. I hope to be able to capture some of the simple ways He blesses me everyday.
There will still be moments of reflection, but I have captured much of the major events that have happened. I am certain in the craziness to keep up that my mind has not kept up with remembering it all, and perhaps as life is simpler I will continue to remember feelings, and events.
Thanks for joining me on this journey of reflection, of gratitude, of learning.
~KJ
As much as I felt that I would make sure this blog was a priority for one year... alas I have dropped the ball. I suppose that is ok, as I had to drop one of my many balls I was juggling - and my children appreciate SOME attention... even when it is limited (for instance last night at 9:30 when I was putting my children to bed, it was revealed to me that I had fogotten to feed them dinner!)
The kids are back to school, they have some of the items on their long list of school supplies (the disadvantage of last minute shopping... things are sold out), my youngest is in full swing of football season, my oldest is anxiously engaged with MMA practice and working with the "little dragons" as a teacher's assistant, and my middle daughter is back in the swing of voice and piano lessons... while hoping I will add horseback riding lessons.
I have a new position at church that I am trying to get a handle on, while also finishing up projects from my last position. A very busy time of year for me there.
In the rest of life I am trying to catch up... and shall I say... just enjoying where life is these days. I am blessed. So blessed. I have had a wonderful summer and have often in these past few months had moments of feeling emotional when I look at how my Father in Heaven has blessed me. How He has heard my internal desires and blessed me.
This will be my focus, or so that is my hope, for the next little while as I 'blog'. The hand of God in my life these days. As He is there every day. I hope to be able to capture some of the simple ways He blesses me everyday.
There will still be moments of reflection, but I have captured much of the major events that have happened. I am certain in the craziness to keep up that my mind has not kept up with remembering it all, and perhaps as life is simpler I will continue to remember feelings, and events.
Thanks for joining me on this journey of reflection, of gratitude, of learning.
~KJ
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
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