Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I was messing around a bit online yesterday and came across a blog of a recent widow.  In the part I read she spoke of her loneliness.  I could so relate to what she was sharing.  I remember that feeling that she described and I remember having those emotions.  I am glad I read it - because in so doing I saw how far I have come.  How that is starting to feel like a memory.  It is no longer a part of my life.  I can't say for sure when the switch flipped for me... perhaps a little over a year ago.  My poor girlfriend who is recently divorced just looks at what a slow healer I have been and always says "I hope I don't have to wait that long".  I think my 'waiting' so long was due in large part to my way of grieving... put it all in a box and when there was a spare second... deal with it.  I somehow was very good at not having free seconds.  I think it was when my oldest was living with his uncle... life really slowed down and cleared out.  The clouds parted and I could start to see what was left in that box to deal with.  Today life is filled with challenges beyond grieving.  Mostly I deal with challenges associated with single parenting. 

My oldest turned sixteen today.  Sixteen!!  Sixteen is nothing like the nine year old he was when his father passed... It seems like a world a way. He is a young man.... looking forward to driving and talking all kind of car talk that has me glazing over.

Seven years ago today Chris was diagnosed with cancer.  The funny thing is... I hardly gave it a second thought today.  Seven years. 

I do believe the blog has been very therapeutic... I have captured the embers from the journey and in so doing I have left the ashes and shut some doors.  Life is not all easy street now... and sometimes when it feels hard I wish Chris was here to take care of it all. But, life is good.  Really really good.  So, for all the newer widows out there hold on to that.   I love my life.  As a whole I really do. 

Happy Sweet Sixteen my son.. I love you, I do.

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