Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
"Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.
Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourself the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.
God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him."
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tender Mercies
I read this today... and I remembered hearing it just months after Chris' passing.
Married life has given me lots of opportunities to think back over the past several years. Mostly I mourn. When I see certain behaviour in my kids, and I know that it comes from the years of single parenthood and coping and grieving. They were long years and when I think of them I wonder how I made it through... but I don't wonder long until I remember that it was through the Tender Mercies of God that I felt peace and strength and that I was able to carry on.
Read it... it's a good read!
http://www.lds.org/new-era/2012/02/the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord?lang=eng
Married life has given me lots of opportunities to think back over the past several years. Mostly I mourn. When I see certain behaviour in my kids, and I know that it comes from the years of single parenthood and coping and grieving. They were long years and when I think of them I wonder how I made it through... but I don't wonder long until I remember that it was through the Tender Mercies of God that I felt peace and strength and that I was able to carry on.
Read it... it's a good read!
http://www.lds.org/new-era/2012/02/the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord?lang=eng
Friday, December 2, 2011
TWO THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW... IF YOU RE-MARRY
At least that is two things I can tell you so far.
1. You may find out the healing is not quite done... even if you think it is. Because once you hit a safe place in life... your body may decide to finish the crying it started and never finished.
2. Sometimes your past comes back to bite you in the butt! My husband went in for a routine procedure today... and all I could think of was last time I took my husband in for a routine procedure... my life changed. Thankfully, today the procedure is over and life is just as it was before.
1. You may find out the healing is not quite done... even if you think it is. Because once you hit a safe place in life... your body may decide to finish the crying it started and never finished.
2. Sometimes your past comes back to bite you in the butt! My husband went in for a routine procedure today... and all I could think of was last time I took my husband in for a routine procedure... my life changed. Thankfully, today the procedure is over and life is just as it was before.
Monday, October 10, 2011
A NEW LIFE
I think it was probably perfect that I was ornery and crabby to the dear man the night he proposed. It sets the stage for life in all reality... right? He cannot say he didn't know what he was getting into. :)
We had a perfect wedding. He, me and our six kids, a friend to marry us and two friends to witness. Right in the living room. A dinner with just us and the kids followed in the dining room and a couple months later a summer picnic to celebrate our new life, our new beginning on our lawn.
I am so grateful for him. I try everyday to not take him for granted and to remember all the good he brings to my life.
He is a blessing. But it has been an emotional roller coaster... in a new way. I worked for years building up systems and structure that kept me standing. Now I have to change those systems and knock down that structure and build new. It is hard. Really hard. He is tender and allows me to move slowly and listens to me cry about closing bank accounts, even though there is no way he understands why that makes me cry (I don't even get it 100%). I just know and feel that I am making myself very vulnerable again. Vulnerable to loss. But it is worth it. Because every day I have joy and love.
It comes again. It really comes again.
Now... years of 'bad' behaviors used to help me survive... I need to learn to thrive everyday. It is a journey... and I'm not sure how to really get there. A journey many of us need to take. We endure hardships and come out the other side stronger... but not always thriving. Just happy to survive. Help me learn how and share your wisdom to EVERYDAY THRIVING!
We had a perfect wedding. He, me and our six kids, a friend to marry us and two friends to witness. Right in the living room. A dinner with just us and the kids followed in the dining room and a couple months later a summer picnic to celebrate our new life, our new beginning on our lawn.
I am so grateful for him. I try everyday to not take him for granted and to remember all the good he brings to my life.
He is a blessing. But it has been an emotional roller coaster... in a new way. I worked for years building up systems and structure that kept me standing. Now I have to change those systems and knock down that structure and build new. It is hard. Really hard. He is tender and allows me to move slowly and listens to me cry about closing bank accounts, even though there is no way he understands why that makes me cry (I don't even get it 100%). I just know and feel that I am making myself very vulnerable again. Vulnerable to loss. But it is worth it. Because every day I have joy and love.
It comes again. It really comes again.
Now... years of 'bad' behaviors used to help me survive... I need to learn to thrive everyday. It is a journey... and I'm not sure how to really get there. A journey many of us need to take. We endure hardships and come out the other side stronger... but not always thriving. Just happy to survive. Help me learn how and share your wisdom to EVERYDAY THRIVING!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
MONTH 11
I was ready. I wanted to marry him and I had been praying about it for 11 months. I knew it was right. I knew he loved me and my kids.
But, he had not proposed. We talked marriage like it was expected. But, he had not proposed. There were times I was bothered by this. I was in deep. My kids were in deep. It had been 11 months. He only had one month before our proposed "timeline" came due.
I didn't want him to feel pressured. I wanted to be patient. But I wanted to shake him and say what is the hold up?? Do you want it or not? I convinced myself I would wait until the one year mark... THEN... then we would have a serious conversation! :)
One year and one day from when we met I was crabby. He had planned to propose. I am certain the evening did not go as smoothly as he had planned.
But, he had not proposed. We talked marriage like it was expected. But, he had not proposed. There were times I was bothered by this. I was in deep. My kids were in deep. It had been 11 months. He only had one month before our proposed "timeline" came due.
I didn't want him to feel pressured. I wanted to be patient. But I wanted to shake him and say what is the hold up?? Do you want it or not? I convinced myself I would wait until the one year mark... THEN... then we would have a serious conversation! :)
One year and one day from when we met I was crabby. He had planned to propose. I am certain the evening did not go as smoothly as he had planned.
HOW LONG IS TOO LONG?
Dating as a parent is challenging.
1. I was always exhausted. Any conversation that we tried to have after 9pm was useless. Neither one of us could think stratight.
2. Seeing eachother before 9pm and actually being able to talk without one of six children needing to interrupt... impossible
3. Dates? Vital, but are they realistic?
4. Most times of trying to sit down and relax and enjoy the other person turned into both of us falling asleep sitting up on the couch within minutes of sitting.
It was hard. How long do you keep this up? It seemed like a month would pass and I would have to ask myself... has anything changed in our relationship in this past month? Often, the answer was no. That was good because we were in a good place. That was bad because I wondered if we were moving forward.
One evening we discussed the issue and the time-frame. When kids are involved in the relationship and you see them getting closer and closer to the guy you are dating... it is a little scary. My kids loved him, and I loved him.... but what if something happened and he and I went our different ways? How much of a blow would that be to my kids?
One year. That was the time frame we decided on.
After 9 months I started to panic a bit. Life as a single-parent is challenging and sometimes so challenging that you focus more on the day-to-day then you do thinking long-term. Were we doing that? Was the sheer challenge of spending quality time together hampering our progress and dragging this out? Or did we already know that this was it and we just needed to focus on it and make the necessary steps.? I didn't want to see my kids hurt. R and I needed to make some moves so there was no longer this unknown... But, being the sole person in charge for six years.... giving that up was also requiring some tough changes on my half. I no longer had to do it all. I no longer could call all the shots. I have to admit some nights I was happy to go home and be in charge and in complete control... just for a moment.
1. I was always exhausted. Any conversation that we tried to have after 9pm was useless. Neither one of us could think stratight.
2. Seeing eachother before 9pm and actually being able to talk without one of six children needing to interrupt... impossible
3. Dates? Vital, but are they realistic?
4. Most times of trying to sit down and relax and enjoy the other person turned into both of us falling asleep sitting up on the couch within minutes of sitting.
It was hard. How long do you keep this up? It seemed like a month would pass and I would have to ask myself... has anything changed in our relationship in this past month? Often, the answer was no. That was good because we were in a good place. That was bad because I wondered if we were moving forward.
One evening we discussed the issue and the time-frame. When kids are involved in the relationship and you see them getting closer and closer to the guy you are dating... it is a little scary. My kids loved him, and I loved him.... but what if something happened and he and I went our different ways? How much of a blow would that be to my kids?
One year. That was the time frame we decided on.
After 9 months I started to panic a bit. Life as a single-parent is challenging and sometimes so challenging that you focus more on the day-to-day then you do thinking long-term. Were we doing that? Was the sheer challenge of spending quality time together hampering our progress and dragging this out? Or did we already know that this was it and we just needed to focus on it and make the necessary steps.? I didn't want to see my kids hurt. R and I needed to make some moves so there was no longer this unknown... But, being the sole person in charge for six years.... giving that up was also requiring some tough changes on my half. I no longer had to do it all. I no longer could call all the shots. I have to admit some nights I was happy to go home and be in charge and in complete control... just for a moment.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
REALITY HITS
That was the beginning.... and bit by bit we moved ahead. We told the kids, began to integrate our lives a bit, and took "test" trips to see how everyone did when crammed in a car together. We dealt with broken down cars and last minute changes to our schedules. We had kids who loved each other and then didn't. There was an entire side to this relationship that was good and wonderful and fun to watch how it wove together.
Then there was the other side...Getting close to someone meant they saw me for how I really was. They saw my flaws in parenting and in life. And... someone seeing it - made it very real and made me more accountable. It was uncomfortable. That feeling was only exaggerated by having a man in my kids life who was a father and was keenly aware of all the "boy" things I had never done with my boys or exposed them to. It became extraordinarily clear the gap that had been created from years of single-parenting... from years of not having their father. There was sadness and pain in that. My first reaction was to run... but I knew I needed to face this reality that was our life. There was great things in our life and for years I had just focused on that and had lost sight of what we were missing. The process of dating "R" caused me to mourn and grieve for the experiences... the simple pleasures my children had lost in their childhood.
One day I stood in the driveway and watched as R played catch with a football with my boys. I was sad to think my boys had never done that at home before that day. There was happiness and joy in their eyes. There was a fun that returned that had not been felt for years.
Then there was the other side...Getting close to someone meant they saw me for how I really was. They saw my flaws in parenting and in life. And... someone seeing it - made it very real and made me more accountable. It was uncomfortable. That feeling was only exaggerated by having a man in my kids life who was a father and was keenly aware of all the "boy" things I had never done with my boys or exposed them to. It became extraordinarily clear the gap that had been created from years of single-parenting... from years of not having their father. There was sadness and pain in that. My first reaction was to run... but I knew I needed to face this reality that was our life. There was great things in our life and for years I had just focused on that and had lost sight of what we were missing. The process of dating "R" caused me to mourn and grieve for the experiences... the simple pleasures my children had lost in their childhood.
One day I stood in the driveway and watched as R played catch with a football with my boys. I was sad to think my boys had never done that at home before that day. There was happiness and joy in their eyes. There was a fun that returned that had not been felt for years.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)