TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE WIDOW?

**Caution**Whining Widow**

My shower had needed to be re-caulked for three years. I just look at it every time I take a shower and it adds a bit of stress to my life. Could I have fixed it? Sure. I am certain I could have read some instructions and figured it out somehow.... but I didn't. I hate that kind of thing. I really do. I don't even WANT to learn how to do it. Could I hire someone to do it? Probably. But, it seems the handy-men in this area have more work to do than they need. Most often people don't want to be bothered with piddly little projects like I have.

For instance... come here and I will ask you to fix the knob on my daughter's shower, three closet doors that are broken, the caulk in the shower, and the front screen door... and that is just for starters. Just lots of little broken things around here.

The other problem with hiring someone to help... is that in the past when I have, they don't do a very good job, sometimes don't finish it, and I don't have the energy in life to spend fighting with them to get the job done right. I have too many other places to spend my energy.

Let me give you an example. A year and a half ago I got a new screen door. Hired help installed it. It is great! I love it. Except that a few months after it was installed, it started to fall off the hinges. No one bothers to come back and fix it. They seem to fall off the face of the earth. I just kept re-screwing the screws in every other day (literally). I had a friend's husbands try to fix it... no luck. I had another friend add some washers to it and that seemed to help.... for a few months at least. Then it started again. Every time I would walk in the door, I would feel this weight of exhaustion... because what am I supposed to do with it? I don't know how to fix it.

I got tired of it all last week. The caulk. The doors. A friend's husband offered to send a guy over to do my caulk. $50. Fine. He came over, needed money for supplies. I gave him $20. He went to Home Depot, I was in and out while he was here working. I had written him a check for $50. I came home after one of my runs out and he was gone. Caulk was done. $50 check was gone. No change left from the $20, despite the reality that the caulk costs probably less than $5. Fine.... $70, as long as the caulk is fixed. About 30 hours later my son hopped in my shower. It had not been used yet, and I would prefer not to disclose my reaction when I heard him in my shower... as I had not checked the caulk... but it HAD been 30 hours... it should have been plenty of time. Nope. Caulk everywhere. The guy has YET to return to fix it. Now I have a bigger mess.

All is not lost, I may have found the man of my dreams. Referred by a friend I called this man for help. He walked around... made a list of my many ailments... and decided to fix two on the spot. The door... the new screen door that has been giving me an ulcer for a year and a half... appears it was on upside down and backwards. Yup. But, it is fixed now... as well as one of my closet doors.

Oh, and I took my car to get it fixed. It is an hour drive to where I have to go to get it fixed... They called and told me the parts were in. I had a road trip planned so I took their first appointment. It was anything but convenient, but I made it happen. They asked if I wanted an alignment, I assured them I did, as it was recommended after the type of service they were doing. I returned to pick up my vehicle... They didn't have all the parts they needed. They did half the job, I will have to return for the other half, BUT they did the alignment, which I didn't need since they didn't finish the job. $70 wasted... and I have to find time to go BACK!

Seriously... I just don't have the energy to fight. I have too much else to do. Sometimes I have even found myself willing to write them a check to get them to leave!

THE EYES OF THE MOMENT

Disclaimer: I support organ donation. I think it is such a wonderful gift to be able to improve or save another's life. I would hope that, should I die early in life, any of my organs could be used to help another.


My husband passed away at 10:00 pm. I had stayed with him at the hospital until about 9:00 pm. His whole family was there, it was obvious his time was coming soon. My kids were at home with my girlfriend who had become their second mother over the previous nine months, so I decided to head home and relieve her. I received the phone call that he passed minutes after I walked in the door.

My girlfriend offered, and I easily accepted her offer, to stay the night with me. I made some phone calls to let my family know, sent my boss a text and told him I was forwarding my work cell calls to him. Then we went to bed. I fell asleep quickly, and had a night of wild dreams. Until the phone rang at 2:00 am.

"Mrs. Wawro, we are calling from.. blah blah blah.. we are wondering if you would be interested in donating your husband's eyes"

"You want his eyes"

"Yes"

At that moment my thoughts returned to earlier in the day. To the moment that my husband woke up to say goodbye to his children who were leaving. The final goodbye. The moment the children walked out the door he had a seizure. I loved his eyes. He had big brown beautiful eyes... but that moment... the moment that he was seizing.. It was frightening. There was such pain, deep pain and struggling in his eyes.

"You want his eyes" I repeated.

"Yes, that is the organ we are interested in"

I looked at the clock. "I'm sure this is time sensitive, but do I need to decide this moment?" I was so groggy and wasn't sure if I was really hearing this.

"We could call back at 6am"

"That would be good, thank you"

I hung the phone up and laid there. My girlfriend didn't say much, just waiting if I wanted to talk. I tried to close my eyes, but my thoughts were now haunted with the vision of his eyes earlier that day. So, I laid there. Then I started to giggle. And I couldn't stop laughing. Was this for real? Someone just called me at 2am and asked if they could have my husband's eyes. Really? I guess it was laugh or cry... and I am more of a laugher.

As I laid there for the next four hours I was in and out of sleep. When the moments of sleep came they were haunted with visions of his eyes earlier that day.

The call came as expected at 6am. I said no. I don't know why. But, I said no.

TIRED?

Yes. I am.

If you read up on it... you will find that it is a normal part of the grieving process. Well... then.... I am going through the grieving process A LOT! That part, I can say has improved over the past five years. I certainly spend less time in bed now, then I have. But, it still hits me sometimes... and I just need to crash.

People at work know I am widowed... the word has spread.

After I had been there for about a year, a lady who has been with the company for 50+ years lost her husband. About six weeks later I found myself sitting with her at a table for a holiday luncheon. I didn't know her that well. We don't even work in the same building. But, we had spoken before, and I had offered my condolences.

As we sat at the table that day she was talking to the group that was there about how tired she is, and she doesn't understand why. As girls do, they all started offering her wise advice. Drink more water, take your vitamins, and on and on. I sat there silent until I couldn't stand one more piece of useless advice. So, I spoke.

"Your husband died my friend, that is why you are tired. Drink all the water and take all the vitamins... but you're still going to be tired. Your body is grieving. Just sleep if you are tired. Let your body heal. And don't expect it to go away quickly. I'm two years in and I am still tired."

No one said a word after that. We sat for what seemed like hours in silence... of course I think it was only five minutes. I think everyone was too shocked that I would say something like that and too uncomfortable to know what else to say.

Sorry. But you can't go leading her on to believe it will go away by drinking water. He is dead. And all the water in the world is not going to make it so you don't have to heal.