COUPLES

I am trying to adjust... but sometimes it still bothers me. The whole feeling of being the 3rd wheel... or 5th wheel... or whatever number - Me being there makes it an odd number. I suppose 5th is better than 3rd.

To be the 3rd wheel means there are two women and the poor husband doesn't get any company. At least if I am the 5th wheel there are already two men, so I can just chime in with the women in their conversation.

But, it is odd. More than just an odd number, for some reason I feel odd. I guess it is that whole environment of "couples".... and there I am.

Do you know what else has become harder? Having company for dinner. What couple wants to come over for dinner? The poor husband has to engage in conversation with two women or the children. There is no counter-part for 'testosterone based' conversation. Unless I invite TWO couples for dinner... but then you have to make sure they are both solid shows. Because to have a no-show, leaves the one man out. And you have to make sure they are couples whose male counterparts enjoy each other.

I don't like not being a couple some days.

Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow
6. Be confident in being you. Because now you are not defined by the 'couple' that you are - but only by you and who you are. (This is why as a widow I found myself drawn to the song, "Who I Am". You have to define yourself)

WHAT IS A WIDOW ANYWAY?

According to Merriam Webster... a widow is "a woman who has lost her husband by death and usually has not remarried".

I think it is more... I have a girlfriend who is single. She was the sole caregiver for her parents as they became ill and both died within a year of each other. She had a very close relationship with them and they loved and supported (emotionally) her everyday. I have another close friend who woke up one day to find out that for some reason... her husband didn't love her anymore and he wanted to end their marriage. I think these friends of mine are widows. The person they were emotionally dependant on is gone - and now they have to go through the process of finding new ways to cope and rely on only themselves for the love and emotional support that used to be there for them everyday.

I think that is what has made widowhood such a challenge. If I am tired... it is still all mine to do. There is no one I can turn to and say "can you handle this? I don't have the patience today". Everyday is my day. If I 'take a day off' from picking up the house or doing laundry - I have to work twice as hard the next day.

Today, I just want to say... if you know a widow... know that they need to be loved. Don't judge them for how they do or don't mourn. Don't judge what they do or don't do. Just love them. That is what we need. As we each look for the sunshine that is covered with clouds - we need to feel that it is there even when we can't see it. Most of the time that comes from a friend who just calls to say "I love you" and offers some emotional support. These are the friends that help bridge the gap from where we are to where we are going. These are the friends that feel like angels from heaven, sent to help us find the way.